The unsent letter # 4

 The prompt for this fortnight is to write a letter to :
 Your current love/ spouse/ crush or Your ex-love/ spouse / crush.  I am writing a letter to my spouse, on the completion  of our 54th marriage anniversary.He is ill these days.I am just pouring out my feelings of pain.

 My dear  D,
                   How strange it feels to write a letter, of all people, to you! We are always together.Why this letter? Last week we completed 54 years of  married life. Do you remember our first meeting? Both of us were feeling  quite lost. The only realisation was that we loved each other, but were  perhaps  hesitant to say so in our very first encounter with each other. In fact, during our courtship, neither of us uttered the three words 'I love you', even though we felt our heart pulsating for each other.
 I remember that I was very nervous, when soon after our marriage, Chechi and her family were staying with us. I had absolutely no idea of cooking and it was the first day that we were to have dinner at home. Mummy had sent her cook to  train me in kitchen matters. I told  Bir Singh,the cook to prepare Dinner. I advised him to boil one kg. rice. He told me that it would be too much,I told him  not to argue with me and do as directed.  On the Dinner table every body had a laugh at my foolishness.We were only five of us and  the quantity of rice was for the double the number.I had really felt embarrassed and controlled  my tears with great difficulty. Chehi still recollects that incident and  teases me. I don't think that you remember such incidents. 
                Yesterday, while cleaning the almirah I  found an old photograph of both of us.You remember , we  just walked inside a studio and took this photograph.Both of us look so different then. I found so many other photographs. Can you imagine I even saw our wedding invitation card. It was so nostalgic to come across such old papers!
               

 Today in  a reminiscent frame of mind, also recollected that every evening we went out, and used to return late.Poor Bir Singh, used to wait for Dinner and we very coolly used to tell him to throw away  whatever was prepared. We had no sense of responsibility.We were so much lost in each other. I can never forget when R, your brother came to stay with us during his vacations,both of you finished twenty paranthas and asked for more. It was very amusing.
How happy we were when we became parents!  Today that cute little' baby' is a fifty three old responsible Chartered Accountant and the second 'baby' is a senior Doctor!Both are happily married. How proud we are of our four grandchildren. How time flies. On our golden jubilee anniversary  the children had arranged a surprise party for us. Such love, regard  and affection means so much for us, when both of us are in the evening of our life!
           

                               
 Remember, this photo was taken on our golden jubilee anniversary?  Today, when you are ill, my mind is full of anguish seeing you in pain. I can feel your pain in my heart. I can not  bare my heart and grief in your presence. I know I do not have the heart to post this letter to you.I am only putting my innermost  feelings in this piece of paper.
 Love you always.
  Your own ,
   Begum

ps Sorry for the dim photographs