parenting

  In marital life bringing up children is one the most important roles  that the parents have to perform. I  am of the opinion that two individuals  may rather remain single if they shun children.Marriage is followed by  child birth sooner or later.Parenting is not an easy job.Parenting means that you  take the responsibility of bringing a living individual in the world.Parenting does not mean that we bring a child to the world and allow him to grow like a wild growth of bushes,uncared,unattended and unloved. Good parents care for the physical,emotional and social growth of the child.

              When we married we were both working. As working parents the  challenges are more. The child has to be kept in  the care of domestic helpers as was the case with us.We had no elders to  care for our children.How ever  after struggling for some months  we found a maid. She was from a good family background and took up the job solely for economic reasons. She stayed with us  for fourteen years.By the time she left  children were grown up and  wise enough to distinguish  between good and bad and right and wrong. We have two children, a boy and a girl. A major factor in bringing up children is how we treat them. Some parents are too strict while there are others who are over indulgent. In our case we were realistic.We took care to nurture in  them  self confidence and self dependence. However I will not call it independence.I narrate an incident when our son was admitted to St. Columba's School which was quite far away from our house. A taxi which  was  already ferrying  children  from home to school  and back was hired for sonny. We were  concerned how he would  cope up carrying  a heavy school bag . The taxi used to leave the children at the school gate. The class rooms were quite far from the gate. For a few days my husband went to the school and stood at a   crucial place from where he could see sonny boy going into and coming out of the classroom . It was on the second  day that he saw sonny  coming out and walking  towards the taxi.Suddenly the boy  hit some stone and fell down.Instinctively my husband  moved forward to help the  child but he withdrew  just to see the reaction of the child. Sonny got up and looked all around and dusted his school dress, took his bag from the  ground and  walked confidently  to the taxi.  Such incidents ensured the child would become  self reliant. At the same time we  inducted discipline in  them  without mentioning the word.'discipline'. I will quote another  instance to prove this. Sonny  did not like Laddoo.  One day ,as ill luck would have it,there was nothing I could give him for his School  tifin, except laddoos. I also told him to finish the  laddoos. Later I even forgot about it. After  school when the taxi came back   leaving all the children   home, sonny was not there. Two hours had elapsed and there was no sign of my son. I became panicky.  I questioned the taxi driver. He said that he thought that his  father  would have brought him back.I was scolding him when I just saw sonny boy  walking from a distance proceeding towards home.  The taxi driver rushed and brought him. I asked  sonny what happened, how he missed the taxi etc. He started crying and sobbingly replied that he was  eating the laddoos. Right from childhood  discipline was  ingrained. Our daughter too was taught the nuances of discipline since childhood. She had acquired the habit of sucking her thumb.People used to give  unsolicited advice,which I felt would hurt the child's mind.I  took a beautiful piece of cloth,decorated with sequins,  and  beads and stitched  a mitten.When I was embroidering it,she was curious to know what I was making. When it was completed,I made her  put it in her hands.  She was so happy to wear it.In the process she forgot about sucking her thumb. My purpose  was served. 

                     When they  were in school   there was  hardly any occasion  to  direct  them to sit and study. In the evenings,we used to sit in the living room reading  some book or the news paper. An atmosphere  of studying  was created.The children  too would sit and  read their school books. So without coaxing them to sit and study, a natural  method was evolved. Due to regularity in studying  both of them did very well in school. At the age  of adolescence  we  noticed the change in their  behaviour. This is the most delicate stage  when the child himself fails to understand what is happening to him.  At this stage care  should  be taken  to ensure that parents are soft and considerate  towards the children. Aggressive and autocratic  attitude should be  eschewed.

When sonny  reached  class ix every one advised us that he should take Science stream.We knew that he was not performing well in Physics and in his interest guided him to opt  for Commerce Stream. We did not force him  but  left the decision  to  him. It was he who finally decided to opt for Commerce stream.  Right from the time when they were small  they used  to  talk about their ambitions. Our daughter wanted  to  become a Doctor and the  son had  a wish to be a Chartered Accountant. Since they were very focused,they achieved their  goal.

Now our children have  children. I have noticed that  grand children are being brought up   on the same principles.As good governance is least governance, good parenting is least interference.I conclude with  the  following quotation  from Franklin D. Roosevelt. " We may not be able to prepare the future for our children,but we can at least prepare our children for the future."

P